Organizing a queue at the front desk. Nodding politely at a bystander to show recognition. Avoiding cutting off a speaker mid-sentence. While these traits may seem like second nature, mastery of social cues is actually a learned talent that must be nurtured from an early age.
A lot of what we know about navigating social situations we pick up through observation and trial and error, but there are other, more proactive ways to learn. Given the recent pandemic\’s possible impact on children\’s access to opportunities for social interaction and development, it may be more crucial than ever to adopt a deliberate approach to fostering these qualities.
Therefore, how do you bring that about? We consulted experts in the field of early childhood education to learn about low-stakes strategies for encouraging social development in children aged three to five. Here are some great suggestions for further reading.
Here are six strategies for fostering kids\’ interpersonal competence:
Acclimating children to new social settings need not be a laborious struggle. The following are a few suggestions for encouraging your child\’s social development.
1. Allow for, and even encourage free-form, creative play:
We may recall \”playing house\” or pretending to operate a restaurant, school, or store as children when we hear the term \”imaginative play,\” and this may evoke images of costumes and props. Traditional games and activities are great for teaching children social skills and having a good time, but they do require more than simply a few costumes and a play kitchen. Susan Bracken, who has worked in the field of early childhood education for 40 years, argues that young children also require time and instruction from adults.
Bracken uses \”playing restaurant\” to illustrate how much time kids will need to build up their scene and assign roles like \”chef,\” \”waiter,\” \”customer,\” and so on.
Bracken argues that \”this negotiation time is valuable,\” and that a perceptive educator will minimize disruptions so that students can resolve disagreements, solve problems in groups, and locate materials they need.
An adult onlooker can keep an eye out for youngsters who are standing off to the side or feeling left out, then gently coax them to join in, provide them with terms they can use to ask to join in or give them a job that needs to be done.
\”The key is plenty of time for children to negotiate and problem solve,\” explains Bracken.
2. Make room for and provide opportunities for free play.
A youngster can learn a lot from unstructured and uninterrupted play time, in addition to what can be gleaned from observing and supervising imaginative play.
According to Rebecah Freeling, a childhood behavior expert and parent coach at Wits\’ End Parenting®, \”the human being is designed to learn through play and imitation in early childhood.\” Let your kid play outside if you\’re fortunate enough to live in an area with other children.
Freeling argues that carers, including parents, may keep an eye on their charges \”without hovering.\”
In his opinion, \”giving kids lots of free play time really does help,\” Freeling says. Freeling suggests reevaluating the circumstance at hand if communication isn\’t going well or if there\’s too much tension for it to be productive.
\”Some environments are too structured or adult-driven,\” Freeling says further. To paraphrase, \”Kids don\’t get time to really get into a play scenario where the skills can naturally develop.\”
It\’s okay to take a backseat and let children organically work through social circumstances, even though this may appear paradoxical to someone actively seeking ways to encourage a child\’s social development. If things aren\’t going flawlessly at first, try to resist the impulse to intervene; sometimes learning requires the freedom to make a mistake and learn from it.
3. Identify feelings at the moment and set an example of effective communication:
Different kids are wired differently when it comes to emotional recognition and turn-taking skills. Some children face difficulties with speech and language, while others live in environments where they have limited opportunities to practice effective problem-solving.
Bracken argues that this is an opportunity for parents and other adults to set an example of self-awareness. She cites the following instances:
Take a look at Susie\’s expression! Oh, I can tell she\’s feeling down! There are tears here. She\’s clearly ceased smiling.
Regardless of a child\’s temperament or background, teaching them to keep an eye out for these responses and acts is a win-win.
For other kids, making eye contact is just not feasible, as Bracken points out. While it is possible to teach some kids this skill, doing so may be unpleasant or even traumatic for some of them. In that instance, it might suffice to teach a kid how to physically face another person.
Adults could point out positive actions to youngsters, as suggested by Bracken: \”I see Bill and Mary sharing a ball!\” Jimmy and Joanie are alternating turns on the slide.
By discussing what you\’re noticing and the connections you\’re making between these observations, youngsters can more easily pick up on why individuals do the things they do. This admission of what seems clear is similar to \”showing your work\” in a math lesson.
4. Recognize that people have varying personalities and temperaments:
Every child is unique, therefore it\’s crucial to respect their preferred approaches (as long as they aren\’t harmful to themselves or others) along with emphasizing the need for open and honest communication and genuine feeling.
Bracken argues that a youngster who takes more time to warm up to new people may come across as unpleasant because of this. \”But it\’s just as crucial that they feel included.\” Bracken thinks it\’s crucial for teachers and carers to build relationships with the kids and their families.
\”It\’s really important for teachers to really understand each child\’s strengths and challenges,\” adds Bracken.
Because parents and carers need to find children on either end of the social spectrum—introverted or extroverted—Freeling stresses the necessity of affirming children in how they are.
Freeling thinks that both extremes can be problematic since they make other children and adults feel uneasy. To maximize the benefits of their social interactions, those children require special care.
Freeling encourages carers to take each child \”as is\” without making any changes.
\”Don\’t coax a slow to warm child; just accept them,\” advises Freeling. In fact, you should praise them. You could remark on how prudent it was to observe from the sidelines before jumping in. That\’s a brilliant move on your part. Arrive whenever it suits you.
5. Together, let\’s take in some tales and talk about them:
The most basic human behaviors, like telling stories, can have profound effects on individuals and communities alike. The skills of turn-taking, listening, and courteous communication can be modeled by reading aloud or watching a show or movie as a family and then talking about it. This can be accomplished with a good old-fashioned campfire tale, a picture book, or a movie and some popcorn on the couch.
After experiencing a tale together, whether by reading, watching television, or making s\’mores, you can reflect on the plot and the characters by remembering their decisions, the humorous things they said, and the clever ways they dealt with difficult situations.
This is a terrific way to safely practice social interaction, and it may be as simple or complex as you choose.
\”Tell stories, read books, discuss interactions you see on shows and movies,\” Freeling suggests.
6. Consult qualified educators for advice:
Fun activity ideas may be found in a variety of places online, which is helpful for parents and carers. Bracken, however, proposes looking to early childhood education (ECE) teachers, childcare workers, and other ECFE instructors, a group that is typically overlooked. For admission to public schools, some states mandate extensive pre-school examinations of children\’s cognitive, physical, language, and speech, fine and gross motor abilities, emotional development, and other areas.
According to Bracken, \”most high-quality preschool programs will require teachers to assess children in all domains twice per year,\” with the results providing \”research-based guidance to teachers and parents to aid in children\’s social development.\”
Bracken also suggests ECFE programs because they allow parents and carers to watch experts demonstrate techniques for fostering children\’s play and social development.
Freeling thinks professionals have a lot to give, but warns that the best methods and philosophies are the ones that work for the individual child.
\”If you read something and it doesn\’t fit your child, keep looking,\” Freeling advises.
Adapting to their changing needs:
One of the greatest rewards of working with young children is witnessing their development as learners and thinkers. But how do you tell if the kids in your care are progressing normally?